There are times in life when the familiar shape of our days changes — sometimes gradually, sometimes all at once.
Sometimes we choose the change. We retire after years of working, move somewhere new, change direction in our career, or watch our children leave home and begin lives of their own.
Other changes are very much not of our choosing. Bereavement, the end of a relationship, illness or an unexpected change in circumstances can leave us trying to make sense of a life that suddenly looks very different from the one we knew.
And sometimes the surprising thing is that even changes we have looked forward to can leave us feeling unsettled.
I know something of this territory myself. After losing my husband, Billy, I had to adjust not only to bereavement, but to a life that looked very different from the one I had expected. Since then, there have been other changes too — leaving a long career, moving home and watching my children become increasingly independent. Some changes were choices and others most definitely weren’t, but each has involved finding my feet again in a different landscape.
When the old routines disappear
We often underestimate how much our everyday routines give us a sense of structure and identity.
Work, family responsibilities and relationships don’t simply fill our diaries. They can help answer questions such as: Where do I need to be today? What is expected of me? Who needs me? What is my role?
When some of those things change or disappear, there can be freedom and possibility — but there can also be uncertainty.
We may find ourselves wondering: What now?
This is where mindfulness can offer something valuable. Not an answer to that question, and certainly not a way of pretending that difficult change is easy, but a way of meeting the uncertainty without having to resolve everything immediately.
Finding your feet
Mindfulness invites us to come back to what is actually here, rather than constantly trying to work out what comes next.
That might mean noticing the physical sensation of our feet on the ground during a walk. Feeling the warmth of a mug in our hands. Becoming aware of the sounds around us. Or simply recognising, “This is difficult today”, without immediately trying to change how we feel.
These are small things. But when life feels unfamiliar, small points of steadiness can matter.
We don’t have to work out the whole of the next chapter. Sometimes we only need to find our footing in this particular moment.
Making room for the in-between
We tend to talk about life in chapters: one ends and another begins.
Real life is rarely quite that tidy.
There is often an in-between period when the old life has changed but the new one hasn’t yet taken shape. It can be tempting to rush through this part — to fill the diary, make plans or decide quickly what we’re going to do next.
Mindfulness gives us permission to spend some time in that less certain space.
Rather than asking “What should my life look like now?”, we might begin with gentler questions:
- What am I noticing?
- What do I need today?
- What matters to me now?
The answers may not arrive immediately. That’s okay.
A short practice: feet on the ground
If you’re going through a period of change, you might like to try this simple practice.
Sit comfortably and bring your attention to the contact between your feet and the floor.
Notice pressure, warmth, coolness or perhaps very little sensation at all. There is no particular experience you’re trying to create.
Take a few natural breaths.
If your mind starts planning, remembering or worrying, notice where it has gone and gently bring your attention back to the sensation of your feet meeting the ground.
Stay here for a minute or two.
You don’t need to solve anything.
For these few moments, simply allow yourself to be exactly where you are.
One step at a time
Mindfulness can’t prevent life from changing, and it doesn’t ask us to feel positive about changes that hurt.
What it can offer is a different way of being with ourselves while we adjust.
Instead of needing to know exactly where we’re going, we can pay attention to where we are.
And perhaps finding our feet doesn’t mean having everything figured out.
Perhaps it simply means discovering, one moment and one step at a time, how to stand in the life that is here now.
If you are moving through a season of change, mindfulness may offer a gentle place to begin: not by forcing certainty, but by helping you come back to the ground beneath you.